Zhanga: November 2006
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Monday, November 27, 2006 (3 comments)
I'm writing this post because I'm bored in the car with Yujing, his parents, his sister, and his roommate on the trip back to Duke. We stopped at a rest area, so I woke up and wiped the drool off of the left side of my face. I went to pee, came back to the van, and tried to open the door. Then I noticed that the door handle was different from Yujing's... then I looked up and saw some Indian lady and her kid in their similar-looking van staring out at me like wtf mate?
I brought a bag of watermelon seeds and a bag of sunflower seeds, but no bag to put shells in. So I can't eat them! (Not right now, at least.)
I don't think I have any stories from the break that are interesting enough to be told, or else I'd entertain you with them. Sorry.
5:36PM
Wednesday, November 15, 2006 (4 comments)
Ok, I've been too lazy to update, but I guess I should at least once a month. So here goes this month's, even though it happened last month.
So there's this restaurant called Chai's, which is supposed to be an Asian place but the food they have is not really distinctive because it has "Asian" food from all over the place. About two months ago, I went there and got a bowl of noodles with a footlong hair embedded in a chunk of beef. (I got a refund and another bowl for that one, if you're wondering.) No point holding a grudge, so a few weeks ago me and a few guys went there again. Yeah, yeah, "a few guys and I," thanks Strunk & White... whatever.
Anyways, they have this one item called "Torture Wings" that cost $7.50 or so. It's a plate of twelve juicy wings covered with some really hot sauce. If you eat them in under half an hour, you get your money back and a free shirt. I figured that since this is an American place, I could probably finish these if I ate quickly.
As you might have expected, perhaps just by the fact that I'm writing about it, I did not finish. In fact, I started dying after wing #1 and died after wing #2. These were some ridiculously deadly wings. I guess if I forced myself to forget the pain (yes it hurt, a lot), and perhaps used a fork and knife instead of my hands (yes, it does make a difference), I could have stuffed at least most of them down. But I know very well what happens when you eat a lot of spicy food that you shouldn't eat: you get spicy shit. It's many times more unpleasant than burning lips, tongue, fingers, throat, and stomach combined. So I surrendered after just two wings for fear of the inevitable hot sauce counterattack. I could try making some jokes about a rear guard or something, but I think maybe two of you would even get that it's military-related.
So I went hungry that night to punish myself for ever thinking that I could possibly eat these. I have to say though, they were some really good wings. Oh yeah, by the way, they made me sign a waiver pretty much saying that I am not holding them liable for any kind of sickness or death that may ensue as a result, direct or indirect, of eating these wings. The waiver made the wings sound really, really toxic. They kind of were.
Later that night, an unnamed person, one of the guys who went to Chai's with me, got really drunk and came into my room. Long story short, we kept trying to get him to eat one of the wings, but he kept thinking there was something wrong with them ("there's hair in those wings, isn't there?" x10). He was too drunk to actually remember what exactly was wrong, though. We never did succeed, but this somehow led to the next thing. I forgot exactly how.
This whole time, he kept making a whip motion/sound, and telling me that I'm whipped. Eventually, somehow he brought up the topic of nipples, and how he almost got his nipples bitten off by some European girl Claaaauuuuuuuuudia that he met over the summer in China.
The really good part was when he mentioned that she "handicuffed" him and whipped him (physically). I don't know about you, but if I were making fun of some guy for being "whipped," I don't think I would be telling about my experiences of being dominated...
The next morning, I went to his room and asked if he would like some delicious wings. By that time he had sobered up and realized that the wings were really hot. I mentioned something about his nipples, and he laughed for a bit, until I mentioned Claaaauuuuuuuuudia.
[hand covers mouth] "Oh... my god. I didn't.... did I...."
Wish I had a camera.
1:10AM
Saturday, November 11, 2006 (1 comment)
Have you ever wondered why "mama" or some similar sound means mother in so many languages? I always thought that was kind of weird.
This blog has really gone downhill, hasn't it? Whoops.
10:58PM
Thursday, November 2, 2006 (0 comments)
My roommate just gave me some impeccable advice which I thought I'd share with you. Apparently, I should never download music from some place called "spank cocks."
Ok, that was boring. But I do have a pretty funny story that I want to tell. I'll get around to writing it when it's not 6 AM and linear algebra homework isn't due in 5 hours.
5:40AM
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