Zhanga: May 2006
Entries have their own pages now. Click the date to see the entry by itself with its comments.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006 (8 comments)
Yujing's right behind me and he's looking the other way so I have to make this quick, but check out what I found on his computer (.url files are Internet link files):
[drz@desktop Favorites]$ ls *.url Big Boobs Girls.url Hardcore Gay Sex.url Big Dick Gays.url Hardcore Teen Sex.url Black Gays.url Hot Live Sex.url Black Sexy Girls.url Mega Big BOOBS.url BlowJob.url Mega Boys Sex Show.url Euro Girls - sex fantasy.url Megagirls online!.url Euro Sluts.url Piss sex.url Extreme Sex.url Porn webcams.url Gay Fantasy.url World of Hardcore Porn.url Gay Twinks.url Young and sexy teens.url Girl-on-Girl lesbian.url Young teen gays.url Hardcore Fetish Porn.url
Time to run, before he finds out what I'm doing while he's playing Spider-Man on SNES.
7:15PM
Tuesday, May 30, 2006 (0 comments)
Party tomorrow starts at 9:00 PM. I might not be home before that. Don't bring random people that I don't know unless they're Yujing's friends, since this is after all Yujing's party.
4:58PM
Monday, May 29, 2006 (3 comments)
Here are some funny anagrams:
| Charles Cao | ace scholar |
| Roger Hu | rougher |
| Erica Lin | nice liar |
| Tricia Jo is my whore | It is warm, heroic joy. |
| Doctor Camp | compact rod |
| Sharon Camp Phd | Damn! Sharp chop. |
| Sharon Camp | Oh man, craps. |
| Jesus Christ | such jest, sir |
| George Bush | O, he buggers! |
| George W Bush | He grew bogus. |
| Bush Administration | This bandit is our man! |
| Saddam Hussain | is sad sad human |
| Mohammad Gandhi | Hmm, I am an odd hag. |
| Indians eat curry | insanitary crude |
| Empire State Building | I am entitled "Super Big" |
| Russian Federation | NATO is a sure friend |
| The People's Republic of China | Open chip shop, eat rice, be full! |
| republican democracy | clean pubic comradery |
| Windows Media Player | I displayed raw women |
| penis lover | evil person |
| Bryan is the bane of my existence | sexy, fine botchery in abasement |
| Dragos is not as gay as I am | I am a doggy assassinator |
I'd like to point out that the Windows Media Player one completely owns.
And speaking of Dr. Camp... does anybody want to compost a bunch of random crap, throw in some disgusting sewage (was it called "sludgecake"?) for good measure, and then dump it all over her desk in August?
7:26PM
Saturday, May 27, 2006 (2 comments)
Frisbee in two days, on Monday the 29th, at 2:30 on the field past Fullers. Try not to be too late.
2:52PM
Monday, May 22, 2006 (3 comments)
I heard that the Falungong movement is being stifled more than ever by the repressive Chinese government. Apparently the Communists think that it's a cult, but we all know that the Communists are just a bunch of corrupt, human-rights violating criminals anyways. They stole Tibet and committed unspeakable atrocities against the peaceful Dalai Lama. We should all take action to free Tibet!
Gene, do you remember a couple of days ago when we were talking about how we should work together to steal Chinese military secrets and give them to the Pentagon so that the US can bring down the oppressive Chinese regime? Well, now that you're safely in China, we should start carrying out Phase A, the part where I'm Chloe (is that her name) and effortlessly hack into high-security Chinese computers to give you clearance to top-secret military installations so that you can steal valuable information. Remember that the primary targets are top brass like Hu Jintao and Li Peng.
(I actually started writing a paragraph here about how awesome Bush is. In the middle of the second sentence, however, two things happened. One, I ran out of sites to link to because it's harder to find Bush supporters than to find advocates for a free Tibet. It's those scheming Communist liberals at work! The left-wing terrorists are strategerizing to take over the Intarweb! And two, I vomited extraordinarily violently and had to wipe partially digested scrambled eggs off of my LCD.)
Anyways, if you're reading this in China, you have about 23 / (number of links clicked) minutes before you get caught by the Red Guard, thrown into jail, and tortured. (The 23 comes from Russell Peters.) Just know that I will always remember you, even though God won't be there for you because he is not tolerated in China.
7:31PM
Sunday, May 21, 2006 (3 comments)
I went to Kinko's today to scan that stupid Science Bowl picture where our team looks completely ridiculous. This picture happened on stage in a filled auditorium, by the way. Whoever took this picture is either a master at catching highly improbable combinations of dumb looks, or just took loads of pictures and picked the stupidest one. By the way, they only sent us (the team) two pictures, and one happened to be this masterpiece. The other one is just a boring picture of us on stage getting our trophy. Yujing is wearing the wrong color in that one.
Anyways, Gene is wondering why the judge's socks don't match, Ronjon looks like the morning after, I have no excuse for what I look like, and Dragos is eating his lip:
That's why we didn't win first place. Also possibly because there is only one Coke on the table.
5:15PM
Friday, May 19, 2006 (5 comments)
Yesterday was a good day. I burned $20 of gas. That's pretty gay. I could have made it to South Carolina, but instead, I began and ended at my house for a delta x of zero. Physics still owns my brain.
Suddenly yesterday doesn't seem like such a good day any more. Actually, no it wasn't. Lilly beat me in pool somehow even though I had just the eight-ball and she had like four other balls left. Then in a five-player game of cutthroat, it was down to me and her with one ball each and she beat me again. (That's what I get for being nice and not killing her off even though I had like 8698729 chances. I know, I'm just bitter.) To make things even worse, Mary was beating me so badly in ping pong that Ronjon kicked me off the table, and then she said that Ronjon is better than me. I may as well end my life right now.
I think it may be time for me to get some of those performance enhancers everybody talks about. By the way, what a stupid name. Air is a performance enhancer. Think about it: air = perform, no air = dead = no perform.
Oh yeah, let's not forget that when I walked into James's house, I walked into the kitchen, turned, and found him bent over with his ass right in my nut area.
And another fun one. I seem to always hit red lights, especially when I'm in a rush. Today was even better. I ate a delay of another couple minutes in addition to a bunch of red lights... because a train was passing by. Of course, that resulted in being late. The Flying Spaghetti Monster and His Noodly Appendage seem to really like messing with me. If you don't know what the FSM is, you're really missing out and should immediately go educate your heathen soul. Unless you're one of the... two... really Christian friends I have, in which case please ignore what I said but do read the site anyways.
Seems like a lot of stupid stuff happened yesterday, but I guess that's because a lot of stuff happened yesterday. I think the stupid stuff/stuff ratio is lot lower than usual, maybe? Or at least good stuff/stuff ratio is higher than usual. Hang on, let me plug Maple into my brain to figure this out. I bet whoever does the brain part of my autopsy is going to open my skull and find that the only thing in there is a bunch of numbers and maybe some nerd jokes. I wonder what base the numbers will be in.
Anyways, yesterday was actually a really good day. I liked it. I saw a lot of people, including people I usually never see. I randomly ran into Claire and Caroline Mullis at Starbucks. I guess it's nice to see some familiar faces after a year, even if I never actually knew them. And that stupid girl who's been hiding from me, I think her name is Mary? Haven't seen Pat in a while either. Good to see that he looks even more like a pothead. By the way, my neck hurts from tilting my head up sixty degrees just so I can see your stupid face. Ai will be punished for not coming/responding to phone calls. (That didn't really work. Why would I want to be punished?) Where was she?
Thanks everybody, for a good time. Mr. Boston is disgusting though. It tastes like Chinese medicine mixed with Pepsi.
3:26AM
Tuesday, May 16, 2006 (4 comments)
So far, two people have told me happy birthday. The first one was old gramps (the awesome one). He told me I'll be 18 in just a few days.
The other one was Charles Jiang. I haven't heard from him in forever, so I guess that was nice. He told me happy 20th birthday, I'll be a legal adult in only one more year!
5:28PM
Sunday, May 14, 2006 (5 comments)
It has been suggested that I continue to have other people write my posts. I am offended that someone dares to blasphemously suggest that my Zhanga posts suck. Except for the fact that I only write once a week and that every time I do write it's the same stuff over and over again, this website is the very embodiment of what everyone finds interesting!
Back to reality. I like this idea. I get to do nothing, but at the same time I get to put new content here. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone else is dumb enough to actually agree to waste time to write an entry for me. But if one day you're feeling particularly bored, just know that you are welcome to write here. I'll even buy you lunch if it's interesting.
So I've been back home for a while, and nothing has changed here. Everyone is still exactly the same. After I got back, besides my parents and sister, the first people I saw were three sags who... surprise surprise, needed help for the physics exam. You could probably guess that Tiffany and Lilly asked for help, and Yujing, well, he seemed to need help but I forgot most of emag so I couldn't do much for him. By the way, if he doesn't get a 5 on that I'm kicking him off the Science Bowl team and stealing all his Cokes.
Next person I saw was Ronjon, who came over as soon as he got back and ate a lot of my Chinese food. Again, no surprises there, and of course when he saw sags at my house he started complaining about things like how they have squinty eyes and smell like soy sauce. (Hm, that applies to me too. At least soy sauce smells better than curry.)
I played a lot of Warcraft with Gene. The same stupid hero siege map that we played a year and some ago for countless hours. We drank a lot of Coke. Nope, nothing new.
Charles is the first one that had me thinking he's changed a little bit, with the bike stuff and whatnot. But on second thought, that doesn't count. He's always tinkering with stuff, and bikes fit into that realm perfectly. And if I remember correctly, we used to love riding bikes around when we were younger. It just died a little bit during high school because there was too much other stuff to do.
That just brought back a fun memory -- Charles, remember that day in middle school when Gene rode over to your house, we set up a ramp on the road, and then you went off of it and the bike flew out from under you, causing you to fall over backwards and hit the asphalt? Then your excuse for your mom was that you fell down the hill in your backyard and hit your back on a tree. One memory leads to the next, and the next memory is Roger's algebra II book... and that Game Boy...
Instead of going to sleep like I should be (I slept quite a lot last night), I flipped through some old pictures. Stupid things are really funny at this time of morning, and two stupid pictures really cracked me up. The first one is Ronjon in Charles's backyard with an enormous grin. He looks extremely mischievious, like he's about to pour Plaster of Paris down Gene's pants and then give him an extended wedgie. Either that, or he just finished doing it. The other picture is me in girl pants. That's not actually what I laughed at... it was my failed attempt to dive back into the closet, out of the camera's sight, that I thought was funny. Please don't try to interpret the closet thing as some sort of metaphor.
By the way, the anagrams of acdeinoorst, in case you actually tried to solve this from two posts ago, are coordinates and decorations.
5:49AM
Wednesday, May 10, 2006 (9 comments)
In case you haven't been keeping up for the past year and a half, I've gotten really lazy and always take forever to make new Zhanga posts. So one day I had this great idea. Why not make some useless sag write my post for me? Bingo!
Well, apparently, useless sags don't like being called that. I get called "Gayvid" for this, which is a really stupid name that is really stupid. Anyways, I guess it was worth it. I get to look stupid, but I didn't have to write a post and it will entertain at least some of you. Here it is:
. . .
Gayvid is really lame and his zhanga entries are becoming less and less entertaining to read.
Gayvid had a smush on Tiffany but I don’t think anyone knows this so *shhhh* Actually, I think Gayvid was lying... we all know about his tendencies towards the male specimen.
Gayvid tells lame stories and lame jokes. For example:
icydog1: im not lame!
icydog1: ok lemme tell you a story
icydog1: i went to the library today
icydog1: to get some boks
icydog1: and then i fell asleep for an hour and a half
icydog1: and then i got lost
icydog1: end of story
eixenelyam: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
icydog1: see, i'm not lame =)
Actually, Gayvid can be funny sometimes when he doesn’t get enough sleep... then he gets really confused and has this ridiculous confused look that is very cute. Most of the time though, he’s just lame.
Gayvid is extremely vain and self conscious about his looks. For example:
icydog1: one of my friends just told me i
have a nice ass
icydog1: how awesome is that!
Btw, it was a guy friend. Don’t ask me what happened.
Gayvid is so perv. I have many examples of this:
5/9/06
icydog1: but.. i didnt do that on purpose
icydog1: it just got big
1/24/06
icydog1: i'm picturing you as a man
icydog1: it turns me on
[...]
icydog1: i know but that's doesnt change
the fact that i am picturing you as a man
eixenelyam: that must be hard
icydog1: i am hard
eixenelyam: teehee
icydog1: go teehee urself
eixenelyam: fine
eixenelyam: recycle bin
icydog1: only if you're in the trash can
eixenelyam: no!
eixenelyam: i'm in the bed
icydog1: well im not going to be in the trashcan if you're
in the bed
The list goes on... btw, I gave up on putting the dates.
Oh yea, Gayvid sent me this link www.meatspin.com and corrupted me... forever. [Do NOT go there it unless you are an idiot]
And last but not least, Gayvid asked me to write this lame entry about how lame he is... and the reason this is last is b/c I’m tired of writing about how lame Gayvid is but he claims this is for the greater good so I guess I’ve done my share of community service today.
That’s it. Have a good life.
P.S. Did anyone else find the sheep half as amusing as Gayvid did?
P.P.S. David tells me all about you guys. Since I feel personally acquainted with some of you, here are some shoutouts.
Yujing: David loves you and thinks you are so cute that he wants to
squish your cheeks. I'd be careful if I were you.
Lilly: David loves you and thinks you are so cute that he wants to
squish your cheeks. I wouldn't worry about anything if I were you.
Yufei: Since you are very likely to read this, your ex seems to have
unexplainable attractions to David. And I mean unexplainable. Tell her to
acknowledge that it's a hopeless case.
Bill: I must admit. David owned you with the Soffe's joke... but if you
ask me it was just an excuse to get a male opinion on his rear end. Excuse the
profanity.
1:39AM
Saturday, May 6, 2006 (2 comments)
Jeremy is the king of funny. He comes into the room and after a while he says, "By the way, I like your background." Here is my background:
It's a dual screen thing, so one sheep shows up in the middle of each monitor. At the time, I had Firefox open and that was covering up the sheep on the right, so Jeremy only saw the white one.
Me: Have you seen the other one?
Jeremy: No?
I minimize Firefox so Jeremy sees both of them.
Jeremy: You know what would make it funnier?
Me: What?
Jeremy: If the black one had a gun.
One day I was trying to come up with a top ten list of reasons you should take computer science, but it was harder than I expected. By the time I gave up, the list only had one item, but it was a very good one:
- Prof. Astrachan bought pizza and Coke for everyone at his final.
The final, by the way, was a party. I can't remember exact wording, but there was a question that went something like this:
In the context of Java programming, what is this?
(a) A specific pronoun which is the opposite of that.
(b) An anagram of "hits" which is better left unwritten.
(c) A keyword that refers to the current instance of a class.
(d) Some other completely ridiculous answer.
(e) Yet another bogus answer.
There were two bonuses on the test. The 3 point bonus was to write a funny joke on the back of the test. The 2 point bonus was to find two English anagrams of acdeinoorst. I love that professor.
(The final was actually pretty hard. Those dumb questions were to make people feel better.)
By the way, here's my joke. The last part isn't likely to make sense or be funny unless you read Slashdot.
Q: How can you tell if a computer nerd is an introvert?
A: He looks at his shoes when he talks to you.
Q: How can you tell if a computer nerd is an extrovert?
A: He looks at your shoes when he talks to you.
Q: How can you tell if a computer nerd is Russian?
A: His shoes look at you when he talks to you.
5:39PM
Monday, May 1, 2006 (1 comment)
I'm studying for econ, which is tomorrow morning at 9 (!) and is going to rape me in the same way that the lacrosse team didn't rape the stripper. I really shouldn't be writing here right now because the test is in 19 hours, but this cracked me up. I'm reading about "asymmetric information in competitive markets" (yeah...) and the author is making an example of asymmetric information involving a professor and "grade insurance" where you pay $p at the beginning of the semester for a guaranteed minimum grade (A, B, etc.). I wish that were real!
Anyway, I'm reading this textbook, and I get to this:
To make this example more concrete, let's suppose that the grade insurance business is perfectly competitive (which implies that each grade insurance company will end up making zero academic profit in equilibrium), and let's suppose that grades in your course are curved (prior to me paying off the instructor to raise some grades) around a C, with 10% of all students earning an A, 25% earning a B, 30% earning a C, 25% earning a D and 10% earning an F.1
Naturally, when I saw the 1 footnote marker I looked at the bottom of the page... and found this:
1Note to my students at Duke: I understand that we have grade inflation at Duke -- so please don't write me e-mails telling me that this is not a "Duke" curve.
Nice.
(By the way, I'm pretty sure this is a general econ textbook and isn't just for Duke.)
12:41PM
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