Zhanga: September 2005

Entries have their own pages now. Click the date to see the entry by itself with its comments.

Thursday, September 29, 2005 (2 comments)

I need to go to sleep, but before I do so, I'd like to clear up some stuff for Yujing. It seems that he's a bit confused about a few things:

  1. The search terms from the last post were from server logs, not from me actually trying out various obscene combinations of words in search engines. Someone else searched for those, not me.
  2. Everytime We Touch is not ubergay. You are ubergay. It is catchy, though, and you are not. That doesn't even make sense.
  3. If they give you that crap about uncleared foreign national again just pull the race card. If that fails, pull out the science bowl frisbee.
  4. Generally, oil fields don't lie in the mantle of the earth. So don't dig for them there.
  5. "Gutenberg" should elicit the following mental responses, in order: the printing press, the discontinuity, Project Gutenberg, and then the Bible. Why? Because the Bible is part of Project Gutenberg, and PG wouldn't exist if not for the printing press. (And the Bible would be quite rare.) The discontinuity is thrown in there for good measure just because it's cool.
  6. Duke > Harvard.

This last bit goes to everyone: If you actually thought from the last post that three things I hate about myself are that I'm short, fat, and pale >.<, then you are an idiot and should probably shoot yourself right now. I was obviously making fun of a short, fat, and pale pal of mine. (O.o)

One last thing. Try to solve this:

Given a circle C, draw n (>2) congruent circles evenly spread around C, with the centers of all n circles lying on C. Furthermore, each of these circles must be tangent to its two neighbors. So, for example, if n = some large number like 100, then basically you have a large circle C with 100 little circles arranged in a ring on the circumference of C, with no gaps in the ring.

You know the center and radius of C. The job is to determine the center and radius of each of the small circles.

That was the computer science assignment that I was just doing. Now, get this. In the instructions, it said that we may find this formula useful. What formula? C = 2πr. And that was the only formula given. Thanks, what a helpful formula. In any case, I ended up with some sines and cosines and π's and n's. That useless formula didn't even show up anywhere.

3:54AM

Monday, September 26, 2005 (10 comments)

If you search for Butt Naked School Teachers From Pelican Elementary on Yahoo, some Zhanga page comes up as #37 (the rank may have changed by the time you read this). Another interesting find is father fuck dutter picture. I don't know who would ever search for that, but someone did, and got to my site. Dutter is not going to be happy about this. Apparently gay tiffany also works, but I tried it and I couldn't find this site listed anywhere.

I am, for what might be the first time ever, doing something Bill told me to do without arguing about it for hours. I do need a break from all this stat homework, though. Here it is:

Three names I go by: David, Dong Dong, or DONG DONG!!!!!!!!!!!! if my parents are really mad
Three screen names I've had: icydog1, iTz Da FoOl, and the obnoxious one that I can't spell
Three things I hate about myself: I'm short, I'm fat, and I'm soooo pale. >.<
Three things that scurr me: I like how Bill put Eva down for this one. Two other things that scare me include Chinese bathrooms and God.
Three things that i'm wearing right now: a left sock, a right sock, and a watch
Three favorite musical artists: Oh this is terrible. How about F.I.R., Cascada, and Groove Coverage. I don't think Britney is up there.
Three favorite songs: 我们的爱 and 童话 are the first two. The third one... maybe Everytime We Touch. (Not Everytime.) This fobbiness is making me feel really Korean.
Three things that I want to try in the next 3 months: Chinese food, ramen, and watermelon.
Three things I want in a relationship: Everybody knows that these questions are bullshit.
Two truths and a lie: I like women, Mary likes women, and Bill is a woman. Take that, sags!
Three things about the opposite sex that appeal to me: Another bullshit question!
Three things I really want to do right now: Put a deathgrip on the person responsible for not giving our class iPods like they did to last year's class, eat a watermelon, and then go to sleep.
Three places I want to go on vacation: Alaska, 武汉 (that's home), and Singapore.
Three kid names: 灵灵 (awwww how cute!!), 冬冬, 东东
Three things I want to do before I die: beat Parkview in science bowl, rape the Dunbarmy in Frisbee, and keep on being a nerd.
Three people who must take this quiz: No one. Please don't waste your time like I just did.

I hope at least one of those was entertaining to you.

Yujing says he'll drive me back if he takes over an oil refinery by WAC time (early Oct). Someone get one, quick. I want to come back for WAC!

10:28PM

Sunday, September 25, 2005 (4 comments)

Miss Demanding is being demanding again =( Ok, so here goes...

I made a post on January 9 about Edelstein being a douchebag. Quite a few people noticed that ten days later, an interesting comment sprang up. It is reproduced here:

Dear David,

I don't particularly appreciate your comments describing me as a vaginal cleanser. The etymology of the word "Douchebag" can be traced back to the Cheyenne tribes of ancient North America. I would have thought that one of walton's brightest minds would not resort to such a deplorable level of profanity.

Matthew Edelstein on Wednesday, January 19, 2005 at 11:12

Ok, first of all, he is a douchebag. Read that old post for elaboration. End of discussion. Anyways, I digress.

Of course, the question is: Is this guy really Edelstein? I looked around at my server's logs, didn't notice anything interesting, and returned an inconclusive as my answer. Though the true identity of this commenter was particularly interesting, the comment was so absurd that I thought that it had to have been someone making fun of Edelstein. I mean, who actually writes about the etymology of "douchebag"? How could anyone seriously say that?

I forgot what exactly made me curious again, but in any case, I did some more extensive searching this time. And this time, I have a conclusive answer. That was him.

How do I know? Well, the user in question...

I can't think of anyone else who would do this (and almost nothing else). Of course, I can't be completely sure, but who else could it be? Conclusion: I lose.

I've been writing emails to my sister. Get a load of these lines, taken out of successive emails:

Me: My handwriting looked like chicken scratch, and it still does.
Her: Oh yea one last question whats chicken scratch?
Me: Just imagine a chicken scratching the dirt below it with one of its legs. Messy, right? Well, that's kind of like what my handwriting looks like.
Her: Your hand writing DOES look horrible. It just does.
Me: Yes, I know my handwriting looks horrible. I know. But Mom says yours isn't so great, either!
Her: Well at least my hand writing is better than yours!!!

Pwned. I lose again.

I just found a guy here who's sharing 1 TB of music and videos. Time to go crazy.

3:52PM

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 (5 comments)

Today, rain fell. When the raindrops hit the ground, they created wet spots the size of small plums. They were the most massive raindrops I had ever seen in my life. I walked through the rain for about three minutes to get to the gym, and in moderate rainfall, I only got hit by about ten raindrops. Those were ten enormous drops, though. Next, we had a fire drill. Luckily, the rain had stopped. On the other hand, I didn't see half our dorm. Then... thunderstorm. And that can only mean one thing -- Frisbee! Too bad it was too dark to actually play a game. I really wanted to play a game in three inches of water, but it was just too hard to see anything, especially with the hair in my face. My hair is almost long enough to tie back a ponytail.

That's all the laundry listing I have for today.

About two weeks ago, I had a computer science assignment which consisted of selecting one of six or so articles, reading it, and then writing a response. The one I chose was supposed to be about "leetspeek." Reading this article is a good way to make yourself want to bash your head against your desk repeatedly. My response [link removed] is posted on the Duke CS forums (interesting way of turning in an assignment...). Read those if you get really bored. I promise that if you actually read them, they'll entertain you for at least a little while.

Today I was doing some more CS stuff, and ran into another article, this one from Microsoft, on "leetspeek." At least this time it really had to do with leetspeek. (The first article was about Internet slang and acronyms, not 13375p33|<.) But anyways, it's a pretty short article, so I was reading it, and I found a section entitled:

Leet words of concern or indicating possible illegal activity:

Crappy grammar aside, this interested me. So what's under this heading? Well, there were five words in all. Warez/w4r3z, h4x, pr0n, sploitz, and pwn. The first four are either some sort of illegal or at least highly objectionable (even though I've never heard of sploitz). Now check out the description for pwn:

"pwn": A typo-deliberate version of own, a slang term often used to express superiority over others that can be used maliciously, depending on the situation. This could also be spelled "0\/\/n3d" or "pwn3d," among other variations. Online video game bullies or "griefers" often use this term.

Apparently pwn is some sort of foul word that makes you an evil person. No wonder the 1337 hate Microsoft. Why do stupid things like this piss me off so much? The government should censor everything on the Internet and ban stupid people from writing things! (Whoops, there goes this site. And the parts that aren't my work are even worse, because they capture the most un-brilliant moments of Gene and Charles. And a few blondes.)

By the way, when I wrote my response to the first article, I sent it to a couple of people to get some thoughts about what I had written. One person, who I'll keep nameless, thought the response was pretty funny and seemed to like it. Then it hit me. I found out the next day that she had thought some "intelligent Internet user" had written my essay =( Thanks.

(If you're dumb, that means she thought someone else wrote it and I just happened to find it online.) But! I am always the optimist! Always! So I'm going to take that as a compliment. Anyways, when have I ever been pessimistic about anything?

On to a new subject, because thinking about this incident just makes me feel really, really stupid. Stupid like "how much does it cost to light up your trees" stupid. (Jess's pool.)

That just makes me feel stupider. Anyways...

In econ today, I made the mistake of sitting next to Jerry. He watched videos of ping pong matches during the last half of the lecture, and so I barely paid any attention to class. That's gotta stop. But I did see some deadly moves. This one old guy stood a cigarette straight up on the edge of a ping pong table, then walked across to the other side of the table. He bounced the ping pong ball on the table, and then smacked it across the table. Cigarette snaps in half.

Jerry also sent an IM to the girl sitting in front of us and got her to go to lemonparty.org (which I didn't make a link for a reason). He tried to do it to me, but I've already seen more than enough gay old man porn to know better. Goatse was bad enough. I think my elder sister sent that to me when I was in 7th or 8th grade, and I'm pretty sure I saw it while on my mom's work computer.

What an abrupt ending point.

4:10AM

Sunday, September 18, 2005 (7 comments)

I worked on the Xanga Tracker for a while this weekend. Now it can count up how many times each item appears in a column. For example, you can find out how many times the Xanga user icydog has been to your Xanga. Log in and check it out, if you haven't already.

In the next couple of weeks, there's a few things that I'll be adding:

I went to Harris Teeter yesterday and bought a little tiny watermelon for $6.99. Ridiculous. But as a future econ major, I considered that my elasticity of demand was somewhere around 0, so $6.99 wasn't that bad. I ate it squatting in the middle of the room, above a mat of newspapers, with a spoon. Talk about Asian. I got like 50,000 utils from that.

On the other side of the fruit spectrum, Rosie threw around my orange so much today that I picked it up and I felt like I was holding shit in a sack. Hey, that reminds me of a certain Academic Bowl trip. The one where the other room got bio-bombed...

My sister called me a night or two ago, which is odd. Usually when I ask my mom to give the phone to her, she goes, "nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo," Russell Peters style. So I talked to her for a while, and apparently she's taking tennis lessons now. I kept thinking that the racket has got to be bigger than her, but then I came to the realization that, hey, she's like half a foot shorter than me.

For the time being, I'm still better than her at math. That's about it, though. Even in ping pong, sometimes she'll hit it really nicely and completely own me. Before the end of the last school year, she brought home a couple of trophies for winning some chess tournament. The only trophies I ever got before high school were the kind that you buy at the end of a season on a little league sports team. I was so good at baseball that they should have given me those for free. I got one hit in like four years. One hit. My other contribution at the plate was this other time when I bunted and some guy advanced. My sacrifice wasn't even a sacrifice. That's how good I was.

I suck at life. Why does she get all the good genes? It's not fair.

What do you do when you walk into your room, expecting no one, and instead find your roommate on his bed half naked? (I'm not talking about mine.)

4:11AM

Thursday, September 15, 2005 (1 comment)

My ass is really sore. I played two hours of ping pong at the club meeting today, and... yeah. I got owned even worse today than usual. You know that feeling you get when people are so much better than you that you see no point in trying any more? So I gave up, bent over, and took it in the bum. Yes, they took turns.

I am such a failure at being Chinese. We're not supposed to do this when it comes to ping pong. Next time I go to China, I'm going to become Chinese. No more going to China and buying pirated crap. My objective for future visits will be to turn myself Chinese and learn ping pong. It'd be nice to learn some Chinese too, so people don't think I'm a retard when they talk to me and I can't understand a thing they're saying.

You know, I've noticed something. My friends tell me my Chinese carries an accent, while Chinese parents say the opposite. Like, Gene and Mary said that I don't speak real Mandarin, and Han Di told me that I sound like I have a Taiwanese accent (!!!!!!!wtf!!!!!!!). But a lot of parents say that my Chinese is good and that I speak very fluently. They say that based solely on my pronunciation, though. So they think I know Chinese when my vocabulary is tiny, and they talk to me using big words (are there big words in Chinese?). Then I give them a really retarded look because I'm completely lost. Did that even begin to make sense?

There is this Indian guy here that smells awful. Yet it's a very distinct form of awful. I haven't smelled anything like it before. Don't you love the human brain? You can tell that something is awful even if you never knew about it before. Interesting. I'm off topic.

I've been successfully been able to detect his presence on at least three separate occasions. On each of these occasions, I smelled the distinct odor, spun my head around a couple of times, and saw him somewhere between 5 and 15 feet away from me. I have had no false positives yet.

I was trying to write my Java program and somehow came up with this brilliant line:

radius = radius;

That means set radius equal to radius. Great work, me. And that is why I should get an A in the course. (If you're wondering, the compiler gave me a hint. It said that this line of code has no effect.)

My econ book used $500,000 of tomatoes and $500,000 of some other food in an example. Then it said that this may be "too much to swallow." Did Ronjon write this book or something? Because that was incredibly awful.

2:20AM

Sunday, September 11, 2005 (4 comments)

This is the picture that I've had on my Facebook for a while now:

My sister and me

Today, some kid in my dorm ran into me and asked me if that's my sister. That wasn't surprising or unusual, especially since like five other people have asked me if that's my girlfriend. Now get this: he told me I don't look like me. He asked me if I had lost weight.

I don't think anyone but my parents have ever asked me if I've lost weight. Actually, my parents don't ask either. They just tell me that I've lost weight and that I need to start eating.

Of course, for those who haven't seen it, Mary's reaction to it a month or two ago was the best:

you know, when i first saw your new profile picture.. i thought wow your gf is really pretty. then i realized its ur 7 year old sister. who knows? maybe ur the azn michael jackson with a bigger nose.

That freak.

You know, as I'm looking at this picture now, it seems like my sister's so big. I still remember her as my little baby sister who was like 2 feet tall. She grew? *scratches head* Diapers smell. Wait till she reads this (eventually). That'll make things interesting.

Hey, it's September 11! I wonder if my roommate's going to cause havoc at the cheerleading thing today. As for me, I'll probably wake up at 4 PM and do calculus until 9 PM. Then go back to sleep for Monday's classes.

It's late. Why am I not drunk like a college student should be?

3:53AM

Friday, September 9, 2005 (4 comments)

I think I need to reevaluate my route for getting to computer science. Every Tuesday and Thursday, I get off the bus and walk for a bit. Then I enter a building, and walk down a hallway that's most of the length of a football field. That's not a problem in itself, since the path I take is a fairly straight path.

The problem lies in the fact that the rooms on this hallway are biology and chemistry labs. Every time as I'm walking down this hallway, I'm looking from side to side at the rooms and things inside the rooms. Not only does every item in every room look fully capable of producing either extremely painful or extremely silent (or both) death, but every door except the bathroom is also marked with the radioactivity symbol. They all say restricted access. Perhaps I should walk along the outside of the building rather than inside this hall, and then enter at the other end where my classroom is.

To make myself feel better/temporarily forget about my impending doom, there's always my favorite furry animal:

icydog1: at tech it seriously seems like 92/8%
icydog1: i dunno where all the girls are
icydog1: they're just out of view
xbaobeibabyx: yea i dont think id want to go to a school full of college boys
icydog1: aren't you straight?
xbaobeibabyx: well yes
xbaobeibabyx: but still
xbaobeibabyx: i think id prefer a more balanced ratio
icydog1: hey i dunno about you but if there was a cheap school with 90% girls i'd go
xbaobeibabyx: hahaha
xbaobeibabyx: but u didnt!
xbaobeibabyx: oh wait
xbaobeibabyx: tech is guys
xbaobeibabyx: i forgot
xbaobeibabyx: close enough

So, I'm still surviving in my classes but I can see the end of the tunnel, and by that, I mean the dark, dead end where I rot and die. Where people find my bones later. I estimate that I'll start getting raped in about a week, which is when the calculus midterm is.

In CS (Java), last week we learned how to do the Hello, World!, and yesterday we did some crazy thing that animated a circle bouncing around on screen. It was like three files and two classes and five methods, or something like that. I got so lost. Can't wait for an exam in there. I'll be so raped.

Now it's time to figure out wtf is going on in that program.

1:19AM

Monday, September 5, 2005 (6 comments)

Having class on Labor Day really sucks. I played ping pong for way too long, and this wasn't helped by getting lost. I got lost 300 yards from my dorm! Am I just that awesome or what? So I was 10 or 15 minutes late to the first CS lab.

At night, I was trying to explain a math problem on AIM. Of course, I failed. Doing it in person was a lot better. Afterwards, I went back to read what I had done on AIM. I just about died from the realization that I am, in fact, a more complete idiot than I had previously believed. I had tried to type, on AIM, two points on a plane and a line not contained by this plane. I actually expected "| . ." to be a sufficient diagram until I typed it out and tried explaining. What a mess.

I bet something as stupid as this, coupled with my two failures of the CPR course, is pretty much grounds for expulsion from this place. How I managed to fail CPR twice is still beyond me. Didn't Charles pass the first time, even though his pants were unzipped and he was probably trying to do the manikin? =P

Oh yes, what memories.

My roommate picked up an information flyer for cheerleading. I'm scared. Plus, he's Muslim, and the cheerleading thing is on September 11th. Uh-oh. Now I'm really scared.

My other roommate told me his family sold everything so he could come here. Now I feel like an asshole because I am from East Cobb. And the most visible items on my desk are two large LCD monitors and a laptop.

11:48PM

Thursday, September 1, 2005 (6 comments)

Some noob posted on McCloud's Facebook wall that they need to hang out more. Yeah, apparently they do. I can't wait until someone says, "Aye, we need to hang out more."

Why is Mary's AIM icon still the Duke thing? Oh well, I'm not complaining.

I will now try my best to reproduce a quote from Professor Kelley during Tuesday's Econ 1D lecture:

"Please don't read newspapers while I'm lecturing. At least, if you do, don't let me know that you're doing it. And believe me, I am very clever. Actually, as an economist, I shouldn't mind you making what you feel is the most productive use of your time. But reading a newspaper in my class has what we call externalities..."

Ok, so that wasn't funny at all. It was funny to me for some reason.

I have one more thought for tonight. My roommate looked at my wallpaper, and asked who the face is:

(the text says "We seem to have misplaced our igloo.")

Lilly

Anyways, I said that's Lilly, who is the cutest girl ever to exist (Yujing needs to go on the penguin immediately to the right). Then he gets all pissed off and says something like, "WHY DO YOU HAVE CUTE GIRLS AT YOUR SCHOOL AND THERE ARE NONE AT MINE???"

hahah

12:05PM

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